How do I use thee? Let me count the ways.
My face can reach, when breathing out of sight
I use thee to the depth and breadth and height
When I cannot maintain a six-foot space.
I use thee freely, as men strive to fight;
I use thee to the level of every day’s
Most germy need, by sun and moonlit night.
I use thee purely, as eyeglasses haze.
I use thee with the passion put to use
In my relief, and with my doctor’s faith.
I use thee with a zeal I seemed to lose
With my last fears. I use thee with the breath,
Coughs, sneezes all my life; and if law choose,
I shall use thee even after death.
Parody of Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s Sonnet “How do I love thee?”